Crowds.

It all comes down to the fact that none of us want to be alone. Because we weren't meant to be.

I find my peace higher than what any of us can see. And I wish I could see it, and I wish I could understand it, and I even wish that I were more passionate about it than I am. But he loves me, and somehow I make the rest of things worth getting through. Or, actually, he does.

We are not alone. We never are.

I want you to see that.

Can you see that?

Cosas Demasiadas.

Is it possible to want too many things? Because I want all of them.

To be a good daughter, a good friend, a real christian, a teacher, a student, a listener, a talker, an athlete, a reader, a baker, a writer, a traveler, a lover, a driver, a dreamer, and a child.

I want to help people, see things, understand, keep up conversation, ask the hard questions, have boldness to tell the true answers, be confident, reach higher, dig deeper, dream wilder, and make some kind of difference...

There's some things I know I'm supposed to do, by literal rule and obligation. And there's some things I feel meant to do. Sometimes I get the two confused. Sometimes I don't know what the hell they are.

Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole.

The sun reaches down and he finds me,

but there's always more that I want.

Love-ly dramatics.

I am so scared of love, and I know I shouldn't be. 

But I can't help it.

I love everyone, but I can't love just one person. Girls want to fall in love, get married, and have kids; that's what we're supposed to do... but is that really who I am? I hate talking about love and relationships, and there has been so much discussion of these things lately. It just feels easier when you ignore your heart. You don't get hurt, you have nothing to lose. But there is someone out there I think, for me. But really, how could there be just one person?

It's just that I've never really sat down and thought about this. But so many people are getting married. So many people are settling down. I know God has a plan for my life, and I shouldn't worry. But those aren't always the most comforting of words. I want to know why we are attracted to the people that we are attracted to. Why do we love who we do, and can we help it? Do we complicate things ourselves, or is that how it's supposed to be?

There are so many things that I want in one person that I don't think I'll ever find them. And would that be ok?

I am being so very dramatic about this, about love. I'm only 19. But love is real. It's all around me. But I get confused on what to do with it. And I am inside, a hopeless romantic, dramatic at all edges. And just waiting to fall down.